Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
