I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
