if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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