My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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