turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
