I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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