There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize