i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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