and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
