I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We are two peas in an std pod
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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