but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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