so let's talk penis.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
