I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
