wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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