They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
