2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
