eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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