I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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