WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
