Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
