Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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