Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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