there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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