I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
