Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
