My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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