she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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