My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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