You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
