I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
