She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
40s are totally the cure
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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