saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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