she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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