Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
