I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
