oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
