Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
