Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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