Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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