The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
