I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
