No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
