its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
