There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
