I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
