The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
