so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
