I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
