I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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