I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
