you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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