anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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