She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
