I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
