You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
