6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
