I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
