he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
