dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
