I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
