Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My life is pants optional.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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